So, your therapist has agreed to do teletherapy sessions with you. Great! Your work schedule is so busy and it would be impossible for you to spend even less time with the family. If you had to add travel time you might not even go to therapy at all. Besides, by now you're a pro at virtual meetings since you have been doing them for work, classes, meetings with the kid's teacher... so this should be just like the rest, right?
Wrong!!!
I believe that any good therapist is engaged in their own psychotherapy. So, many of us have had a few years of practice in either "chair" of the virtual therapy room. Based on my experiences with clients, conversations with friends and other professionals, as well as trial end error in my own virtual therapy meetings, I can say for certain that a tele-therapy meeting is not like the rest of them. It is unique, and not appreciating its nuances can ultimately lead to a waste of your time - and nobody wants that!
Here are some reasons why your tele-therapy meeting is different from all the rest, and ways to help you get the most out of your sessions.
Tip #1 - Energy Planning
I'm not writing about making sure you had enough sleep, or that you had your latte this morning. I mean actually energy - the stuff that powers your laptop - and the actual wifi or cellular energy needed to access stable internet. Your time and your money are very valuable. You don't want to waste it by having to repeat yourself because "...you froze" or your battery died. More importantly, psychotherapy often requires focus and concentration. Not having enough power in your device or a strong internet connection takes your attention (and your therapist's attention) away from yourself. Make sure that your device is plugged in, or at the very least has full power and that you have a way to plug it in if needed. This may go without saying, but live streaming uses a LOT of energy. Lastly, make sure your wifi or cell signal is strong and stable.
Tip #2 - Set and Setting
When you read "Set and Setting" some of you may think that I am writing about using psychedelics. Well, I am and am not. I'll just say that when it comes to inducing altered states of consciousness, the intention and the environment that a person has that experience in, greatly affects the outcome. While some of you are participating in psychedelic assisted therapy, my hunch is that most of you are not. You're probably participating in every day "talk therapy." Just the same, the fact that you are in a virtual meeting has removed what your in-person therapist would do to create that "set and setting" for psychotherapy. For an in-person meeting you transport your physical body to a place with the intention of participating in a process that will create some kind of healing or growth. The person you entrusted to help you with that has created a predictable, consistent, and safe environment for you. When you go in there, time after time, you know what it's like to sit in one or more particular seats. The sounds are familiar... the lighting... where to find the box of tissue, etc. When you're in a virtual therapy session, all that is gone and you have to take it into your own hands to create it. So, shoot for consistency. Create a deliberate plan to be in a specific and predictable place, so that your brain doesn't have to use any extra energy to get comfortable. This will allow you to access much more of yourself, and enter into your session with a little more clarity. Remember, it is never a good idea to do a virtual therapy session while you are driving.
"My task was to remove obstacles blocking my patient's path ...what I had to do was to identify and remove obstacles… The rest would follow automatically, fueled by the self- actualizing forces within the patient." – Irving D. Yalom
Tip #3 - Remember - Phones Can Overheat
The weather is warmer now, and people are enjoying the fresh air and the sunshine. 😄 Over the past months I have heard a lot about cell phones overheating. This can eat up a lot of time in your therapy session because cell phones often need to cool down before being used again. It's one thing if your Wi-Fi is not stable and you need to switch to a phone call, but your phone overheating has the equivalent impact of your battery dying. It could mean "game over" and rescheduling. This might feel very unsettling for you if you were in the middle of some deep work, which probably needed time to get to. Be proactive about preventing your cell phone from overheating. This includes keeping it out of direct sunlight during the meeting.
Tip #4 - Privacy Matters More than You Think
Some calls and meetings are fine to take in public, or within earshot of family. You might think "it's fine," "I have no secrets from him/her," or "They can only hear me and not my therapist." While all that may be true, you will consciously or subconsciously filter what you say. That can mean putting your therapist through an obstacle course of trying to decode what you are trying to say. The other thing I want to emphasize here is that we all have blind spots, and sometimes we feel or need to express things in therapy that we were not expecting. Don't underestimate the importance of your privacy. Just ask yourself: If you cannot share candidly with your therapist because you don't have compete privacy, how much can they help? You could be unintentionally sabotaging your session. Remember, psychotherapy has the potential to put you in touch with things that are deep and profound. You can maximize the possibility for growth by participating in your virtual session from a place that respects that sanctity.
Tip #5 - Allow for a "Time Cushion"
Before tele-therapy, most people at the very least had to drive home to integrate and decompress before jumping into a meeting, soccer game, or cooking or eating dinner. Since Covid, virtual meetings have become the norm, and ultimately a lot of silver linings have come out of that. We are more productive, more flexible, juggling more and dropping fewer balls. However, having a therapy session that you know will end seconds before a meeting with your boss or client will create blocks to your therapeutic process. I will be honest, I have made the very same mistake that I'm writing about. So, if it happens, I can say just be truthful with your therapist and negotiate what may or may not be OK to get into for that session. What I want to emphasize here is: try not to make it a regular habit. Life happens and sometimes we are not where we expect to be, and we might know deep inside that it's worth it to have the session even if it's not ideal. If that's the case for you, then go for it! Just try to set yourself up for success and growth by allowing some down-time in your schedule after therapy when it is possible to do that. You'll see that just knowing you have that cushion will eliminate some barriers and allow you access more courage and curiosity in your therapy session.
Don’t Sweat It!
I'm very understanding of all the people that I work with when it comes to juggling, really wanting to make therapy happen when they are busy, in a weird situation, and not as prepared as they would like. After all I'm a human being too, with various roles and competing needs in life. I know full well that you can't "optimize" and "maximize" every single therapy session. You have to make room in life for the things that just happen. Your therapist undoubtedly gets that too (if they don't then that's a problem). Hopefully just having these tips in mind will help you slow down enough to notice when you may have some options and opportunities to set your self up with a little more potential in some of your next virtual therapy sessions.
P.S. remember to charge your AirPods 😉.
Happy Spring,
-Nate
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